I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize