i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
