I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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