Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
