I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
