I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
