did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
