Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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