so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
