We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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