shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How does one acquire holy water?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
