whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
