i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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