It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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