I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
