almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
