Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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