Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God I need to hump something, right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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