Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
