oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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