My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
