You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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