Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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