I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
