dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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