cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
