some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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