So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
