So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
