I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
