nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
