Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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