can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
