Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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