We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize