I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Vodka?
Forever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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