He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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