I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
