so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
