some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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