Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
