Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
