So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
