Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
