i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
