I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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