Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
