now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize