Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
