Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
