i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
