so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
