Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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