Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
