i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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