I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
