There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
