if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
