he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
