Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
