I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have aggressive nipples.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
