i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
