Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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