I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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