just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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