i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
