If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
