He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
