you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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