im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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