my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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