nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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