hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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