We're facebook friends in real life
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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