Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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